i want to work work work, work myself to the point where i just want to fall dead in bed.

i want to fight the headaches and bodyaches. 

i want to fight the nicotine urge.

can somebody knock the lights out of me now?

i should sleep.

bygone, be gone.

i always thought i was just evil, just never as evil as you thought me to be. 

2010, better be good.

almost 3 years.

It's almost 3 years of lasalle.

angie the crazy lecturer who bought us drinks at HC during foundation is finally getting married.

she was one of those few ppl who told me to go after my dreams. which is now, to really do well and get out of here.

i remember the crazy last minute stayover nights at kenny's. with daniel,faizal,nazrul,manda and etc. i can't remember.

kenny had to help us do the photoshop shit work and drawings.

Those HC nights with them and random boyz. Not so glamourous. 

rolling in the tunnel, almost falling into the river. 

daniel drinking and puking, drinking and puking cycle. 

manda's drunk talk. (i still have videos )

kenny taking care of all of us. 

and shisha tuesday. 

Sonz, leiliani, manda , darren and charles based at different houses every weekend doing everything. star wars at leilani's. meet the weedmaster at manda's. god's shower at l's again.

Sonz, fabric painting. cooking up at my place. 

darren's 3d bomb painting at random macs, and picasso inked on his right thigh.

charles's 'wonderwall' words. i'll never forget. 

and charles real name is jiahao, which became charles because of a fucking stupid football joke.

random thoughts at random time. i miss you all a whole fucking lot. i think i miss charles the most, serve the nation and do us proud. 

we'll hang out like before. miss you miss you missyou. fellow alienz.

xoxo, 

lots of love, fellow alien.

ここ日本で私が来る

7 hours flight to kansai airport.

i'll say 'ohaiyo' to osaka.

すべての愛

do you?

spinning and spinning,

do you believe in what you want?

love you all

marijuanita xoxo. 

what's wrong?

with inks and piercings?
liberated minds, are we not?

words make me doubt my capability.
and really, now it's just wilson and i versus the entire world.
sooner or later he'll go over to the other side, and i'll be a one man army. fighting on my own.

i thought they'd know me better, and never doubt my capability.
i feel the very need to start anew, at a place where no one knows me.

wake up-

dreams- They are perhaps one of the most extraordinary things known to mankind.They’re the movies of our minds.The pictures in our head. And even the most of us dream every night for our entire lives.No one actually knows what they’ll see.

Dreams come and go as they please.And all you can do is watch in silence.And while we like for all dreams to be good and happy.The truth is they’re are always those dreams, those nightmares that catch us off guard. Yet we need not panic,for as if any dream you know always take comfort in the morning alarm, the sunlight streaming into your eyes.Whatever it is that takes us from our dream world, so that we wake up. 

tell me that, over and over again.

i don't think i can talk to anyone about death, 5 stages of grief. wtf

really. There are things that i can never ever talk to just anybody about. 

blame it on my childishness, blame it on my lack of 'wholeheartedness'

because i am fucking nuts. im sorry.

one blue, one pink, one white.

1. i left '24 hours of anger' for 'The Sound Cell'.

- '24 hours of anger' total indian madness. The storyline seems decent enough :>

-met some of the most passionate ppl ever. 

-had curry for the longest time. please do not take me out for curry or any indian muslim food for the next month or so.

-chest pain came back, stopped smoking on monday.

2. Left For Dead 2.

- played for 3 days straight, i've lost my voice, sick again :/

- might go back tomorrow to fight those zombies again.

- missed my bro like crazy.

3. Martin brian fucking lanjiao So.

-cheebye motherfucker left me for his gf. cheebye next time don't ask me go zoo ever. 

4. bestfriend.

-mom's driving me crazy with h1n1 jab, i hide at the bestfriend's place as much as i can.

-fish and chips, crazy twilight calender.

-coffee anytime.

-re-lived the 'my chemical romance' moments.

5. mono

-playing in tokyo on the 21st. 

-probably catching them with ryan. 

- yay so exciting. 

6. tomorrow, zarrah's.

-crashing her bed later. hello i missed you so much.

i just took  some meds. i need to get better.

i missyou and loveyouall.

xoxo,

marijuanita.

PS: it's a wonder how i've never done a 'schedule' like this before. Don't you know me abit better now?

maybe i don't belong here

Tonight while coiling the 13amps extension wires, i lifted my head and looked up in the sky.

The stars are out shining so brightly. Creep was playing in my head.

'i wish i was special... so very special.."

This uncanny sadness overwhelmed me. So unexplainable.

before i board the cab,i looked at the sky for one last time. 

i hope the stars will come out to shine again. Don't hide behind the clouds all the time. 

i'll lay on an empty field, and fall asleep right under the stars. 

I was capsizing, 

i sunk below where i swore i would never go.

If you can't stand in place, you can't tell who's walking away.

i remember the push more than the fall.

rantz.

i feel as though im floating. 

I haven't had a good night sleep in awhile. 

maybe thats why my temper is going hay-wire. and i cannot function well.

i haven't had dinner. it's 1.09am. 

sam, i don't understand how you can say i look so much healthier now.

anyway, come home soon, miss you. i need to bitch.

some people they prefer you, when you fail - i hate that this is true.

i hope i'll be a better person tomorrow. 

xoxo, marijuanita.

i hate to disappoint and i hate myself for being a disappointment. pleaseletmebeabetterpersontomorrow. 

I feel as though...

i've been lied to. 

marijuanita-

in the morning

i wake up and find myself alone.

The start of internship. 

good experience, more to come.

legs aching like crazy. 

crew call at 6.30am tomorrow. how very nice. so very fucking far away.

alright, 11.06pm time to sleep.

love you all,

xoxo marijuanita.